Yet, did you know before you get a prescription for a steroid that they make you take a pregnancy test? The young (and very pregnant herself) doctor said "Well, I am going to get you on your way but we need to take a pregnancy test first to make sure that the prescription I am going to give you is safe in the chance that you are pregnant".
She showed me to the restroom and pointed toward the small cup and towelette that was on the shelving. With a few instructions, routine and not needed, she left the room to allow me to finish up this simple task. After completing said needed task, washing up and returning to my room I had the longest two minutes I can remember in a long time.
Within two minutes, my mind stretched from "WHAT IF" to "NO WAY" and included everything in between. In two minutes I considered the following:
- I have teenagers. Kagan is 16 so by the time this kid even goes to school Kagan will not even be at home any more.
- I saw the cutest nursery set up at Babies R Us that I would love to get.
- Will I break the tradition of "K" names with a fourth child?
- This is going to freak Kaleb out!
- My mom is going to freak out too!
- I bet all three of my kids would be so much help with a baby. They are all really good with kids and this would be so much easier with only one baby at a time.
- What age do women quit having babies? Aren't I getting too old?
- I am going to kill Marshall Kaleb Moss (yep, all three names here)!
- I think Kenadee would like a sister and hate having a brother at this point.
- Both Kaleb and I were younger when our parents had us. Imagine if their life did not include us?
- Wow, I can't believe Bubba was still having kids at my age? How many kids does he have again?
- Would I keep working?
- What would happen if I tried to work from home some and also go to the office. I don't want someone else raising my baby.
- Oh wait....the baby clothes are so cute. Plus I can't wait to look at all the new things that are out for babies.
- I am going to Kill Kaleb!
- God is so good to me and I just said I would deal with what ever He gives me in the new year. Is this a sign? What is He going to try to teach me?
- Disney for a baby is free.
- I just lost 40 lbs and now I am going to gain it all back.
- I can eat whatever I want if I am pregnant.
- I want to make a quilt for the baby or maybe Ledra will help me if I get the stuff.
Ya get the point. I will not continue with what all I thought in minute number two!
Needless to say, time almost stood still. There was something that could have been such a sweet blessing if God had decided that was needed. However, I honestly can say I was relieved and so glad that God had not chosen this path for me at this point in my life. While I think every child is a blessing and a gift from God and that I would have been thrilled if so - I can also say I feel just a blessed that it was a negative result when the doctor returned to the room.
My life is moving forward where I am out of the child bearing days of life. I am beyond this point because now I am having a crazy time raising teens! I am closer to being the age of grandchildren than having babies of my own. (OH MY GOODNESS - I AM GETTING OLD!) - This is another post all itself.
I was reminded that just one little moment in time can change the destiny of years to come. Yet, I was happy to be reminded that no matter what the surprises or life changes that be made with one phone call, one visit with a friend or even learned in two minutes at a doctor that there is plenty of life to be had. Until the day I die, I get to live with unknowns and possibilities. I get to embrace seconds....minutes...hours...days that will change my life forever.
The only thing certain is that God has control over the tiniest of details. That works for me.
Oh yea --- I am not freaking out so the results were negative if you did not catch that above. And yes...Kaleb is still alive!
