Dear 2012

Dear 2012,

I am sitting here thinking of how excited I am to meet you. Really, I have been giddy over the last week for the unexpected blessings and new opportunities that await me and my family in the new year.

Just so you know, 2011 and I had a great relationship. As a family, we had many new challenges that we faced together and more triumphs that we claimed. We experienced life and embraced the blessings that unfolded daily thru out the year.

In 2012, I have new goals, new aspirations and most especially a new focus. It feels a little empowering to be so determined to accomplish the impossible! I will end 2012 with a sense of accomplishment, I am certain, because I am focused to achieve. Even if I find myself not accomplishing the entire portion of the goal I will have at least made a step in the right direction. I know I can at least do that much!

My 2012 Goals are:

Personal -

Like every other single American I plan to shed some pounds! I got 40 lbs (that is a small child) off before Thanksgiving and in January I plan to pick back up and get moving!

I also plan to continue with my journey to rediscover ME! This will not make sense to many but to me, I have found that with all the hats in life that I wear that I have overlooked ME! I am not aiming to become self absorbent but self aware. To embellish the parts of myself that I love and remove the things about myself that I am not happy with.

Spiritually -

I am going to read the bible chronologically this year. A deeper understanding of the history and timelines of events in the bible.

In 2011, I started the Read The Bible Thru in a year challenge. I finished but did not participate in all the studies at the church. I likely missed out on some great feedback from people who are much wiser than me but then again - sometimes I think I just need t let what God is trying to teach me soak in.
I also plan to listen more. This is the hardest thing for me to do is to STOP and listen for God to tell me what He has in store for me. I miss so many things that God wants for me because I am busy doing to get to a point where if I just would have listed God would have taken me there sooner.
Financially-

Balanced Budget! - This is an obvious goal since it always gets a little out of "balance" at the end of the year. Number 1 goal of January is to get this back to where it should be so that it does not creep into other months. Get those credit cards back down to a $0 balance after unexpected extra cash needs at Christmas time.

Home Purchase - I am hoping to find my new home this year. It got put off in 2011 for several reasons and I am hoping that sometime in the fall we will be ready to possibly move into our new home. This is kinda one of those things that I can't make happen over night but I am putting all the pieces into the right place for when it happens.

Planning - We have a lot of big purchases and/or big obligations that are coming up in the next few years. This year, I plan to see where we need to be financially to make sure that kids college education is secure. Oh and there is some matter of a possible car for certain almost 16 year old. A few changes needs to be made but I am hoping that 2012 is geared up to afford me these luxuries.

Family-

Immediate Family - I plan to spend more time with my kids. Re-establish the family outings that we have gotten away from. Mini weekends, tank full day trips or even more vacations. I also plan to not make my family second to other things that sometimes get in the way. I want to spend quality time with Kagan, Kade and Kenadee that involves knowing them more. They are getting older and the line between drill sargaent and friend is pretty thin but I want to invest more time in my relationship with them.

My hubby- he deserves so much more than I give him. I find that I give myself 100% in other areas but he often is neglected because I can count on him to always be there. Gonna make sure that 2012 is another year of strengthening the relationship that is most important. My commitment to also help him finally open his shop this year is my number one focus. I want Maged Industries to prosper in 2012 because Kaleb is so talented and amazing at what he does. I want him to share that with others.

My parents - I miss them. Going to make sure that I see them this year. I am also excited that they have entered into the world of facebook, email and text messaging. Really hoping that maybe we can do a mini-vacation with them and there is even talk of going home for the holidays this year.

My extended family - I want to connect more. We have family that lives in Florida that we rarely see and my Texas family is becoming less often communicated with. Sure, I love the facebook interaction, but I think I am missing the heart to heart family time with them as well.

My Job-

This year has been a little more difficult in work. I love my job and what I get to do. Yet, there are things that I know need to change to make it better. I am not going to complain, I am just going to be that change. I think I have gotten away from that by trying to hold others accountable but then I am just convicted that if I do the right thing then I will at least feel the accomplishment.

My Friendships

I have a few friendships that I am going to really invest in this year. One of my best friends and I only saw one another a few times this past year. We are going to change that for 2012. Plus, there are people that I invested way more in during prior years when my real friends deserved my loyalty and my time. I failed on giving of my time to the wrong people and that will not happen this year.

I learned a lot in 2011 to make me a better person but I am looking forward to you and I meeting in a few days. My promise to you, my dear 2012, is that I am ready to work hard and play harder. I will not give up no matter what you bring. I will pray daily to thank God for blessing me with another day and I will pray harder that God will guide me to the next day. I will await God's answers to the big questions I have and I will patiently listen for God's direction for my path.

Let's do this 2012!!!

Love,

Misti

Christmas Night

This year was a special Christmas in our family. A Christmas that was centered around TEENAGERS! (Well, Kenadee is a pre-teen but acts every bit of a teen!) This made Christmas a little less about toys and more about thoughtful gifts of love.

When my kids were small, I use to take them to the Dollar Store to buy their gifts for their siblings. Mainly because at a $1, they could buy ANYTHING In the whole store for one another. This made the possibility of gift giving endless to them. As they have grown older, things have changed and they no longer shop for one another at the $1 store. Instead, they thoughtfully think of the other one and their personality and give a gift that they KNOW the others will love. This part of Christmas is so treasured.

The gifts my kids give one another are so special because I can tell how well they know they one another. How much they care to give each other something special and unique just to them.


As a mom, I also get a little teary eyed because I want to pray my children will continue this tradition as they grow older. I hope that when they enjoy Christmas that they will continue to give one another gifts of love....Even if it is a small handwritten letter or an extravagant gift. As long as they have done what they could for one another in love and with the sincerest thought the gift does not even need to cost a cent.

This Christmas closes but once again I am reminded of what Christmas gift giving is all about. I am left hoping I never grow a Grinch like heart where my holidays don't mean what they should. I know too many people (even me sometimes) who give out of obligation, fail to give when they should and make the holidays a day to get thru rather than a day to treasure.

Thank you to Kagan, Kade & Kenadee for being children who inspire their mother to be more like you. I am blessed to be your mom and to each of you I honestly can say that the gift of each of you in my life is the greatest gift of all. I love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas!

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 9

A picture of the person that has gotten you thru the most

There is no doubt about it - Kaleb Moss!

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 8

A picture of something that makes you laugh

Hey, can't blame a mom for trying!

Thru the Bible 2011 - Joshua

Joshua is book full of childhood stories and heroic adventures. It is a book of the bible that shows the faith of Joshua but it also contains my favorite bible character.

A few years ago, in a bible study, we were talking about women in the bible that we found ourselves to be most like. Of the choices, I picked Rahab. The more I study about her and put into perpesctive her life - the more I think most Christians are like her.

Thanks to the story of Rahab, I am reminded that:
- God never uses your profession to define your importance for His calling.
- God never requries you to be perfect to be chosen.
- God can destroy a sinful nation and save a sinful women who choses him.
- The faith shown by a woman who had only heard about "God" was able to experience Him and live in harmony with his people.
- The impact of one woman "changing" herself brought about her being a part of the lineage of Christ.

Rahab is unique in her story line in the bible. I can not relate to living the type of life she lived but I can relate to making mistakes. I bet Rehab felt guilt and concern over her past but I also know she never regretted picking God when she did. She might have just been one of the few people where being in the wrong place at the right time - was perfect timing for God to show his grace to her.

A simple sign of a red cord, in the midst of a fallen city, points towards a chosen daughter of the King. Gives me goosebumps when I think of how she must have felt as she walked out among the devasting rubble of destroyed Jericho. She likely saw the faces and bodies of those who once looked down upon her, who abused her and who counted her as a nobody! Yet, because she chose to be faithful --- God saw her and counted her as somebody!

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 7

A picture of your most treasured item...

My parents. Thanks to them - I learn to value what really should be treausred in life.

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 6

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

I would trade places with Eve before the fall of man. I wonder what it would have been like to have been in a sinless world, walking in the beauty of eden, no care in the world and having your only real "job" be to be the helpmate to your spouse.

She had God to talk to. A life abundant and beautiful. The only woman in to experience such a life was Eve.

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 5

Most of my most precious and favorite memories are only captured in my heart and mind. No kodak moments for most of the ones that I treasure the most.

The best memory as a family was when we went to Disney and were asked to be the 1st Family. We got to open the park at Animal Kingdom. It was a great treat for our family and was the start of a great vacation.

CWF Photo Challenge - Day 4

A picture of your favorite night.

The birth of each of my children were really special; however there was something extremely special about the first night in the hospital as parents. I was SCARED to death to, I was over joyed, I was so in love with both Kaleb and Kagan and I was exhausted. It was a full range of emotions. This night, like none other, was definately my favorite night of becoming a family. I will never forget it as long as live.

Great Books....Great Reviews

This past week (and weeks for one book), I have read several amazing books. They are books that have definately impacted my life and I know the words echoed in my thoughts will not cease anytime soon.

First, Amanda (Beth Moore's daughter) had a great review of a book that I decided to read. The book is now on my Top 10 books of all times. I highlighted a numerous amount of quotes from the book that I will definately be using in the future. The name of the book is Finding God's Will: Seek Him, Know Him, Take the Next Step, by Gregg Matte.

I can honestly say that this book is packed full of wisdom and the message is so timely at this pivotal time in my life. It is inspiring, endearing, honest and absolutely an absolute joy to read.

P.S. - I read it the kindle version for the ipad and iphone. I will be getting me a new ipad2 when they come out!

Next, I read Shelia Walsh's book called The Shelter of God's Promises. It was again packed full of wonderful examples of the promises that God has given each of us. I love it soooooo much!

Our Sunday School class is reading The Grace of God by Andy Stanley. We are reading one chapter at a time and it has been hard to stop and not finish the rest the book when the chapeter for the week ends. On top of the wonderful word illustrations from Andy Stanley, there has been such rich discussion. In Sunday School and at home with Kaleb, some of the greatest truths of God's word have been poured over with a new light.

Lastly, as many know we are reading daily the bible. Each one of these books above have impacted me more thanks to the study of God's word. A new meaning (or understanding) has allowed me to dig deeper and find precious truths that I can cling to.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 3

A picture of the cast of your favorite show

I LOVE Scrubs! I watch an episode (or a few) every single night before bed.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

No doubt about it, there is no one I have been closer with than my MOM! She is my biggest cheerleader and my wisest source of advice. I love her to pieces and am so thankful to have her in my life. I am blessed beyond words to be her daughter.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day One

Day One - A picture of myself with 10 facts....

1. I hate chocolate; but I do like Peanut Butter Cups.
2. I am head over heels in love with my amazing husband, Kaleb.
3. I have dreamed of being an author.
4. My world is defined by Kagan, Kade and Kenadee in so many ways.
5. I spend tons of time looking for the perfect chair which seems to only exist in my mind. I have a vision of my comfy chair but never seem to find at the store.
6. I am scared about my kids getting married and never coming home to see me.
7. I think God has something in store for me to do that I have not seen yet.
8. I get scared very easily.
9. I love to plan anything, especially family trips.
10. I put on my pj's the minute I walk into the house.

Thru The Bible - Deuteronomy

I was discouraged a little bit when I first started reading Deuteronomy because I just felt like it was a lot of repeat of what I had learned in the previous chapters. Then it hit me - if God put it in the bible more than once - he MUST have a reason. With that one little statement, I was humbled....

Then just as I was humbled, God showed me some great NEW things that I was almost apt to "skim" right over. Thank you God for your patience with me.

I had a thought that even with all the great things that Moses did, his last purpose was encourage Joshua to become the leader the people needed. Moses spent his last days preparing the way for Joshua to inherit what Moses knew as the Promised land.

I loved the number of times that people were showed that GOD would be fighting the battle for them. In some cases, they had to show up to swing the sword but how much power of God's they must have felt. Think about all the men that fought opponents that for all reason should have one; but the victory was theirs because God willed victory for them. It would have made a blockbuster movie, I am sure!

I forget how many "other gods" the Isrealites were comfronted with. The more I read, my thoughts are changed about how those chosen men and women lived. They lived in a society inindated with a god for everything. Not much different than today. Their "simple life" was much more complicated than I often consider it to be.

I felt blessed by the number of times that God chose to express his love for us. His abounding love that will carry us like a father a carrys a son and for thousand generations to come. Such a precious love letter from my father!

I love that God let us see His watchful care for all generations. He not only is working things out for us but may be fulfilling something in our life to open a great blessing to our children. There is no greater thought in the world than to be reminded that God planned in the beginning how HE would bless my children. It gives me goosebumps!

Such a great reminder about how a "little sin" of allowing destable things into our home cause us to be like the rest of people. Instead, God tells us to abhor and detest these things.

I love Deut. 11:19 - I want to be reminded by God's word to let my actions speak to my children as well as my words.

I am still so shocked how much of the American judicial system is embedded within the words of bible. If we could just get back to living within God's laws we would not need so many legalities!

The bible says women can not wear men's clothing. When we use to wear decorated boxers to school (as shorts) my dad said this was forbidden in the bible. I thought he was joking, but it appears he was right! LOL

In chapter 24, it talks about how a newly married man should not be sent to war. Once again, there is reminder of God's protection over marriage. He wants us to be successful and to have time to be with one another.

I was so taken with Chapter 32. I loved the verse that says to "let my teaching fall like rain". I stopped to pray that God would shower me withHis teaching so that I daily fall more in love with His ways. It closes by saying "They are not just idle words for you, they are your life". How true I want this to be in my life.

To wrap us this chapter that I first began reading as if it was a "repeat" I read these words : "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are everlasting arms". Thank you God for your grace...Thank you for your mercy....and most of all thank you for your love!

Thru the Bible....Numbers

We just finished the Book of Numbers and I am enjoying this journey so much. This year has been such a blessing of really "digging in" and finding new treasures from God's word.

Everyone talks about the beauty of the Mona Lisa, which is really quite ordinary if you think about it. A simple portrait done by an amazing artist who found a way to create a timeless piece of art. The "life" of her ability to follow people with her eyes as she moves is an oddity, to say the least. Yet, it was with precision, passion, talent, form, and artistic ability that da Vinci was able to create this piece of work even though he considered it unfinished.

To me, the book of Numbers was the same as the Mona Lisa in a few ways. It also is a timeless word portrait of a living society. It was an artistic expression of our Creators plan for eventual salvation. The record of millions of people living and awaiting God's instruction to reach a Promise Land. It is a beautiful strategic plan for God's army of which I am descendant of. Yet, unlike daVinci, God knew his work of creation would not be unfinished but reach completion.

- As one loving genealogies, I have to admit it makes me a little curious as to which one of the "tribes", I was a descendant of. Not that it matters, but wouldn't it be interesting to know?

- I found Numbers reminding me of a special bond and care that God had for women. Some things seem so unfair and so judgmental against women but really God set up a plan for man to care for his wife. He also set up a plan to have care for widows, for husbandless daughters and young women. An authority not to oppress us but to support us. That was really encouraging to me, even with the somewhat questionable liberties of males during this time.

- I loved the blessing of the Priest. I love the image of Lord's face shining upon me or those I ask for him to bless. I should spend more time asking for God's grace, blessing and favor be upon those I love and care for. How much better would my world be if those I surrounded myself with were shining with the glory of God?

- I wonder if there is a significance to a man retiring at the age of 50? At this time, people were living to be around 100 or 120. God determined for them to work half their life but to be able to rest in their older years. Our society has this so wrong. We don't have provisions that are easily obtainable to work hard and then retire at this age and allow ourselves years to just be "helpers".

- Moses seemed to be confident in his relationship with God to be so bold. I love that Moses was able to honestly express his hardship and express why the burden he was carrying was too heavy and God immediately granted him a solution. God never intends for us to carry more than we can, but I guess this just reminded me that sometimes He expects us to ask for help.

Before Kaleb's dad disappeared he highlighted a verse in a bible for Kaleb. Since Kaleb's childhood's friend was named Joshua, he marked where Caleb and Joshua would be the men that entered into the promise land. I wish Kaleb would have had a the chance to see his father live out a faithful Christian life but that was not the case. However, I see this gesture just a simple glimpse of God's provision that my Kaleb would one day see the Promise Land. Kaleb's father, no matter what others say, did lay one foundation of a promise for his son in God's word and I think God honored that suggestion in making my Kaleb an amazing man! "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to and his descendants will inherit it".

How true, that my Kaleb also, has a different spirit that I am sure that God is pleased with.

- Even though Moses was told he would never enter into the Promise Land, I think he knew his real Promise Land was elsewhere. Why would he care to get there when he could get to heaven with God? He did not give up but seemed to continue to plan of God without complaining but with purpose.

- I don't understand why God had Moses make a snake. I know it later becomes an idol and it just seems like it gave something made of medal a symbol of power.

- I think the story of talking donkey is funny. Sometimes I guess God's sense of humor is so appropriate. With us calling the donkey a stubborn animal and donkey (or the other name for donkey) being a connotation of being difficult, it is quite comical that a donkey's voice was use to correct Balaam being difficult.

- The verse where it recaps the Israelites journey and states that they marched out BOLDLY in FULL VIEW of the Egyptians was a treasure to me. When God determines that his people (or me) has a purpose and is receiving a blessing from Him he will allow us to march out BOLDLY in front our enemy!

- Of all the things I struggled with in this chapter, really the amount of bloodshed still bothers me. I know God has purpose but it still seems so violent. I see God wiping away people with a blink of his eye but when he used man to do, it just impacts me to think why he wants man to do this?

Valentine - For My Daughter

Actually, this is for anyone that wonders if their Valentine will ever come. Is there really a prince charming? Is the idea of a fairytale nothing more than a good story?

Well, as I watched Kenadee write out her Valentine's for her classmates last night I was thinking of all the wonderful things that will come in her life. I also thought of how many times her heart might break BEFORE she finds her own true love. So this, my sweet baby girl, is for you:

NEVER settle for a man that does not treat you like you are his EVERYTHING! No amount of diamonds, roses, or chocolates will ever amount to the worth of a man who treats you like his princess.

A man worthy of being your Valentine, will treat you with respect, with care and most of all with a deep appreciation of who you are.

I have been in places where Valentine's Day was a day of butterflies in your tummy wondering if your "boyfriend" would bring you a special Valentine or send you a candy gram at school. I have been an adult and felt the same way, wondering not if I would get a gift but if someone would acknowlege me as their Valentine. I have also been madly in love with your Daddy and been treated the way I hope you will want to be treated. Settle for NOTHING less than someone who will cherish you,my baby girl.

Today, you saw your daddy make me dinner. Clean up the house. Shower me with beautiful roses, write a special card to me and bring me my favorite cookies. Yet, what you did not realize was that the most valuable thing was the sweet kiss he gave me and the hug that said "You will always be my Valentine".

Remember, the roses are beautiful but they will die.

The words in a card will last as a great memory but should be said more than once a year.

The sweetest cookie will fill your tummy but not your heart...

Wait...Take your time and your Valentine will come! God has someone chosen just FOR YOU! He will be your forever Valentine, like your Daddy is mine. A prince charming with whom you can live happily ever after with.

Leviticus - Read Thru The Bible In A Year!

Well, I am few days late in posting; but really wanted to post what the book of Leviticus taught me this past few weeks. I think it is a book that I have ALWAYS read thru very quickly and skimming over. It was nice to break it down and really think it thru (well most parts).

First, my number one impression of Leviticus was that there were obviously as many idiots back then as there are today. Seriously, some things should not have to be said and should be common sense.

I am VERY thankful that we are not obligated to offer "sin offerings, fellowship offerings or grain offerings". God destined us all to live in the appointed time we live and I am pretty sure He knew this would not have worked for me. So much killing, so much blood ..... Yuck!

I understood more about why other religions practice what they do. Since I am still struggling on what MY responsibilies from old testament law are I will continue to pray this out.

Loved that God chose to put that being BALD was okay! So funny....

Was glad to learn that a sin offering for having children was not for "having children" as I had always thought. Without understanding the types of offerings I had always been perplexed by that verse.

I loved that God took the time to address the smallest of concerns. How much he does care for his people? It touches my heart to feel His love when reading his provisions for His people.

I was reminded that the world is still dealing with the same sins today that they were post Exodus. They human race just can't do it right without God. The destruction people will put upon themselves is unbelievable.

I am still wondering how sin was covered without Jesus. It was such a flawed system without the blood of Christ and the grace of God. I know God is not flawed but I am thankful. Just really sad again to know that it was not an animal that shed blood for me but Jesus. Very humbling...

My favorite verse this book was "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God, I am the Lord". It is nice to be reminded how very important God thought of the elderly. I am blessed with some of the most awesome "young-elderly" in the world and I want to respect that.

Numbers is under way.....

Night of Intimacy

I just love CWF. I know with all my heart that when I moved to Florida and away from my family - God gave me the ladies of CWF. The ladies who I admire their motherly love and the friends who I laugh with like a sister.

Last night, we had Shanon Roberts come and speak with our ladies group about intimacy with God, our spouses and our friends. She did a great job!! With secular statistics, God's proven word and just "girl talk", I was reminded about the blessing of intimacy in my relationships. I learned quite a few things that I had not thought of before and I was encouraged by her words.

So many people think church can be boring! Oh my,they were not hearing the conversations that I was having last night. Even with the most "private" of conversations,it was nice to feel secure and to have them filtered thru the loving spirts of women within our church.

I even got to start the night bouncing the subject off a sweet friend, Heather, before the meeting. It was almost like God was preparing my heart to deal with things that I was thinking about.

As for the intimacy, I still blush! Yet, I was encouraged that it is not just me :-)

Last Day - Challenge One - Question 30

I am a little sad that the Challenge # One is over. I was thankful for taking a look at my new year and helping mold my 2011 in to a year of discovery for myself, my family and my faith.

I wonder how many of the CWF ladies particiapted? I can't wait to find out at our next meeting?

"In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you about it this year?"

My fitness. Already wrote a long blog on this so I am not going to re-write. Just reminding myself that I really want to make some changes here. I am going to get started soon.......

Thru the Bible - Exodus

Several weeks have passed by and we are to the end of January and already done with the book of Exodus. The time is flying by. The three chapters a day, the rich discussion in my home and with my church family is making this journey very exciting for me.

So, what impacted me about the book of Exodus was the detail God gave his people. I think of a child learning to bake cookies. The flour gets every where, the cookies have egg shells in the them and there are many finger prints on everything. It would be easier to just NOT allow the kids to bake; but they would miss the effort and how much sweeter the finished product is when they have participated. Since God could have willed any event to happen, how precious that he gives us the chance to roll up our sleeves and participate in His plan. How even more impressive that he is teaching foundational lessons to His people so that they would understand the life and death of Jesus Christ generations later.

The plagues. I have to admit I had a little bit of a difficult time with the plagues. I finally came to reconcile my understanding of God's plan by trusting that God had a purpose. For the first time, my study led me to understand that the plagues had a direct correlation with Egyptian gods that God was showing Himself to be mightier than them to the people. He was proving his majesty before their eyes. I just struggle with the fact that so many awkard things had to happen.

I don't understand how the people where able to "create" some of the same things with their magicians. This made me even more afraid of these types of events.

I questioned why there would be locust in Revelations if God said that there would never be a plague of them again. Kelly was really helpful in looking up the answer to me on this one.

I was convicted with why I did not keep the Sabbath holy any longer. John explained one time the difference between why the Jewish worship on Saturday and us on Sunday. I am not sure where I stand on this particular issue right now with regards to housework, cooking, cleaning and etc. It is listed as a lasting convenant but no one seems to make that big of a deal of it.

Loved looking at the fact that so many of our laws are based upon biblical principals. Exodus is a great example of the American judicial system in the simplest of forms.

I loved the verse that talked about the fact that Moses face was radiant because he spoke to the Lord. I would have loved to have heard their conversations.

My favorite verse was Exodus 14: 14 "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still".

Now, on the Leviticus.....

Challenge One - Question 30

"What is the most important new item you want to buy this year?"

I have already answered this question and the answer is a HOME!

When a Man Loves A Woman

I am watching one of my favorite all time movies - When a Man Loves a Woman. Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia do a great job. There is a great sound track to the movie, good acting, great memorable lines and many other things to love. Yet, the story line is unbelievable to me how realistic it seems.

Meg Ryan is an acholohic. Andy Garcia is a loving, devoted and endearing spouse. He is trying to give her everything, be her everything and love her past her own issues. He is doing just what a good husband should - except it is not enough.

I love the struggle of Meg Ryan having to learn to accept herself. She has to learn to live on her own and to be the person she needs to be for herself so that she can be a better person, teacher, mother, friend and wife.

I have never struggled with acholism directly; but have the seen the effects of it on people I love dearly. I don't know the parts about that are accurate enough for the pain that this disease can cause families.

Yet, I do know first hand that I am only a better person when I am accepting who I am(flaws and all). When I hide the struggles I have or pretend they do not exist the ugly monster of self-loathing will appear. Even when I try to look at myself thru the eyes of someone else, I can be very disappointed. Even more, when someone you love tries to tell you it is all okay in love without understanding the validation of why you are feeling the way you are - it hurts too.

I struggle but I have found a few things that work for me when this feeling overtakes me:
1. Knowing the God sees the struggle, knows any pain and already has a rememdy for me is comforting.
2. Reminding myself that every single imperfection is what has made me be who I am. When I think of the fact that because of who I am - I get to call certain people my family and friends it makes me smile. Without the imperfections some of those relationships would have never been found.
3. A glass of soda and some chips also work well in this situation. If it is an emergency, well Cherry cheesecake or butter cream frosting can always do the trick - :-)

Seriously though, I just love a movie that makes me feel connected and understanding. I cry, I smile, and I hope for the characters to reconcile their differences. It is a great love story.

Challenge ONE - Question 29

"If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it"

First question- I honestly have no idea

Second question - I guess it would depend on the person and what the advice was.

Third question - I would HOPE that if it was sound advice from a valued source I would listen to it.

I guess I did not really answer this question, but it was the best that I could do :-)

Challenge One - Question 28

"What one biblical doctrine do you want most to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?"

(Cartoon from www.mightymag.com)

As most people know, my church is collectively reading thru the bible this year. As we do, I am hoping that I will learn much more biblical doctrine than I know today.

To start though, I think I am struggling most with why we don't do somethings that God's word clearly says not to do or to do. Are we, as the body of Christ, watering down God's word to make us fit into the world better? Are we falling back on the excuse that says "that is old testament law and no longer applies" because we just don't want to do something?

My biggest fear is that "my religion" might be allowing me to hold to doctrine that is not biblical. If God says ALWAYS and FOREVER, then I am certain that he actually didn't mean until I say so later?

With that being said, I do understand that some laws of the Old Testament no longer apply once Christ was born and became the living sacrifice for me. Troy did a great job the other day explaining the difference between some laws are eternal and some laws were dissolved because of God's provision in other ways.

Yet....

But...

However.....

What forever laws am I neglecting because of either "not wanting to" or just "ignorance"?

I don't want to read God's word over and over and miss the point of what God is telling me. I can cling to all the encouragement the bible gives, memorize the history and the parables but if I am missing the INSTRUCTION then that is a problem.

So, for this year I am going to begin to compile a list of God's instructions. If I am not doing them for a reason, I want to know why. If it no longer applies,then I want to understand what took the place of the previous instructions. Most importantly, I want to begin to pray for the strength, the understanding and the acceptance of what I might not be ready to do. As we all know, the fact is I am a sinner and not perfect. I will fail BUT I would rather fail trying!

P.S. No this does not mean I am become legalistic or a freak. We are not going to move into a cult society. Just going to try to live life the best way I know how!

Challenge One - Question 27

"What the single most important thing that you could do to improve your commute this year?"

I love my commute. During my morning commute, I talk to my mom every morning of my life. She and I check in with one another and it is a wonderful way to start my day.

During my mornings I can laugh my butt off, cry like a baby or just spend a few minutes complaining or rejoicing over something that is happening in my life. In my approximate 30 minutes of a drive each morning I get some "mommy time" with my mom! I get the pep talk I might need or the wise advice on a number of situations.

The most precious part of this time is that I get to find out what is happening with her and my Daddy. I get to know they are okay and be a part of their life.

As for my commute in the morning, I could not think of anything better to do with my time!

For the afternoon, I try to take care of any calls I need to make, appointments to be made, or petty/routine issues that I need to do. It is the few minutes I can handle business during "work hours" of a normal business.

Of all the things I want to improve, I am actually pretty happy with my commute. Plus, if all else fails I turn the music up, open my sunroof and sing like a crazy women! It is just what the doctor would order on some days!

Challenge ONE - Question 26

"To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount of time this year?"

The CWF (Christian Women's Fellowship) at our church. I love the ladies of NBCC and am excited to be a part of a group of ladies who are always there for one another.

Beth, Quit Stepping On My Toes!!!

I am a big fan, wait no a big follower, of Beth Moore (Yes, I have been listening in church on Sunday Mornings). I feel like her Bible Stuides are written just for me at times. Like after a deep conversation, she just went home and wrote a few chapters to encourage me.

Well, last night I all of a sudden felt like she was stepping on my toes!

At first, I was thinking she might have overheard a conversation I had with Kaleb regarding a few topics that he and I have discussed in the last few weeks. I am now pretty sure that she read my diary; because she was just too close to stepping all over my toes! Okay - I admit, this is likely not the case either because I have already heard her talk about the same things before.

I guess in this season of my life, I really was impacted more by this study on David than I was the previous time that I did it. I think the depth of where her words hit me were in places where I needed to stop and think about a few things.

Even though Beth highlighted a few things that I really did not want to deal with, I do appreciate her. I will be thankful that God uses her in a such a global way and allows her to personally connect with myself and so many others.

I will not even hold last night against her; but really Beth, please quit stepping on my toes!

Challenge One - Question 25

"What is the one skill you want to learn or improve this year?"

I want to pick back up quilting. I learned several years ago and then just stopped. I really want to finish my kids t-shirt quilts this year.

Challenge One - Questions 24

"What is the most important trip that you want to take this year?"

I don't have a specific trip in mind that is the most important. Actually, I am looking forward to the several mini-trips that we have planned for our family. Some weekend trips and a few longer. Just excited to get away with my family and enjoy life.

Challenge One - Question 23

"In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?"

I want to grow in my maturity with regards to people.

I have a REALLY hard time with being "WARM". When it comes to people, I either like or do not like a person. I can't seem to find the middle ground of just letting them be.

Why?

I guess I just feel like I don't want to fake it. I either want to go 100% in a relationship or just forget the relationship (and person) all together. I don't want to waste any moment of my life getting to know someone or understanding them to see if the friendship (or basic relationship of any kind) can be turned into something. (Not very Christian, I know)

It is not fair of me and I am sure that I have missed the blessings of a relationship because of it many times. I also could have saved myself some disppointment by backing off from a friend that I chose to go 100% for at the wrong time.

So, I am hoping this year as I evaluate the relationships in my life I can have more maturity about the situations I have with people. I can understand that while someone (personal, family, business or even a checker at the grocery store) may not be a fixture in my life - they are a part of it. If just one minute, one hour, one week or forever - I want to learn to accept their existence and embrace the value that it brings.

Maggie Says....

Have you ever missed a turn while using your GPS and immediately heard the voice say "U-Turn at the next left" or maybe it automatically re-routes you to a whole new path because a quick turn around is not available? It is a comfortable feeling having the direction of someone telling you how to get there. To me, it is even more valuable to have "Maggie" (what we call our GPS) tell me if I can make a quick correction or if changing paths is what is the best.

I wish life had a "Maggie" to tell me directions. There are so many times when I just don't know where to go and even more times when I want to know if it is time to "re-direct" myself. I would love to save myself a few u-turns, miss a couple of road bumps and avoid the "delays" all together.

Just this morning, I asked God to give me direction about a few things. I want a clear path with regards to a couple decisions in my life.

It was within minutes that I received 2 e-mails, 1 skype conversation and 1 phone call that I felt was directing me along my path. In that 30 minutes I learned:

- I might be heading down a path that is leading to a dead end.
- There is a exit right ahead, if I decide to take the turn.
- There is rest stop, if I need it right ahead.
- A comforting voice telling me my "delays" are only that ....short delays.

I was comforted to know that even though I might not always hear a "Maggie" in the background of my daily ride, I do have a navigator that knows all. Thank you God.

Now, I am just hoping to find the volume button on my God navigation system so that I don't miss any turns!

Challenge One - Question 22

"What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?"

DIRECTION - Short and sweet!

The day we played hookie from school & work....

Today, the kids and I took off for an overnighter in Orlando. Kenadee has a cheer competition in the morning and her team was staying overnight in the area. It makes it a little easier to be there on time and ready for the competition without the drive in the morning.

We checked in this afternoon to the hotel. We were greeted by our personal towel elephant. He was adorable.

e had lunch at Friendly's. We ate at a Friendly's for the first time a few years ago and it has become one of our favorite stops in Orlando since then.

Later, we got a chance to let the kids play in the hotel's waterpark. They had a really good time on the tubing slides and just hanging out in the pool.

Sometimes, life becomes all about work or commitments. It is nice to take a day and play hookie. Let's face it - these smiles are the reason for everything. The only thing that could have made this day better was if Kaleb was with us. We missed him.

Now, off to bed...

Challenge One - Question 21

"What one thing do you regret from last year, and what will you do about it this year?"

I guess the main thing that I can think of is that when my dad had surgery, I did not make it there. I mean I tried, but for some reason I just was not able to make it there before he had surgery.

My Daddy is the most amazing man and I love him so much. The thought of not being there when I so wanted to be was so painful and broke my heart.

Obviously, between Kenadee's trip to the ER for her broken arm that day, the airlines refusing to let me on the plane b/c I did not make it to the airport in enough time and all else that happened on that day there was not much I could do. Yet, when I walked out of that airport I felt defeated and disappointed in myself.

How could I be in a place where getting home to my parents was out of my reach? I felt guilt, I felt regret and I felt anger.

This year, I can't do anything about that situation but I do plan on making some better plans for "emergency situations". I want to research my options, have a game plan and be able to get there if I ever need to again. I am just praying that this 40 years down the line.

I will know the plane schedules, possible routes for a faster trip home and the best place to rent a car. If I ever need to be there, I will - God willing :0)

Challenge One - Question 20

"What book, in addition to the bible, do you want to read this year?"

I love to read and I read such a variety of books that it is hard to pick just one book. So, I will list a few that I hope to get to read this year. Here is just a start to my list :-)

Essentials for Life for Women by Marcia Ford
Find Your Strongest Life by Robert Whitlow
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
Between a Rock and a Grace Place: Divine Surprises in the Tight Spots of Life by Carol Kent
Decision Points by George W. Bush
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
Apple Turnover Murder by Joanne Fluke

Challenge ONE- Question 19

"What’s one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?"

I hope that my children learn by example the things that I do RIGHT (not the things that I do wrong). I hope that they will look at my life and see how desperately I want God to be in control and how much I want God's will to be done in my life. For that, I pray for God's grace to allow me years of walking with Him and showing HIMSELF faithful even when I am not. To that, I hope any success, any joy or any happiness is credited to HIM so that my children know that all good things in my life were the result of God's love.

In my own personal way, I am keeping journals for my kids that show the numerous prayer requests that God has answered in my life and for those that I have prayed for. I hope that by seeing my account of God's faithfulness to my prayer life they will leave their burdens/their hopes and dreams in God's hands.

I also hope that my legacy leaves not only my footprints but that we have surrounded our kids with others whose faith is an encouragement to their spiritual future.

I also saw a really cute idea about how to incorporate survival scriptures for kids as they grow up and I am working on this one. I heard a really cute idea from somewhere (I think a book I read or at Women of Faith this past year) about how one mother would weekly place a "scripture note" on their child’s pillow with a little love note. I am working on beginning this tradition for the upcoming teen years because I want my kids to know just how much I adore them and love them.

Challenge ONE - Question 18

"What is the one new way that you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?"

I want to be a blessing by showing my commitment to their work. To thank them more often and to show my appreciation for their hard work. I know that they (and their families) work hard to be available to our church body and I want them to know they are appreciated.

I also will continue to pray for them and their ministry. I believe God has placed them each at NBCC for this season and I want to pray for God's blessings on them as they minister to our church family.

Challenge One - Question 17

"What is the single most important thing you can do to improve the quality of your work life this year?"

I know that the thing that I need to do most to improve the quality of my work life is to make sure that I am organized! I love having a regular routine that I follow because I love the feeling of a completed task!

Nothing in my job is more gratifying to me then knowing that I did a good job. I do tons of different things at work and at times am all over the board with what my responsiblities are. I take pride in accomplishing the task that my boss gives me and even more pride in accomplishing task before he asks me!

So, this year I will continue my quest to organize myself & my work flow so that I am able to mark off my "to do's"! This will improve not only the quality of my work life but the quality of my work output.

Sibling Bonds

Sibling relationships—and 80 percent of Americans have at least one— outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust.
Erica E. Goode

I am one lucky girl to have began my life with siblings. They are all OLDER than I am (grin) and each have impacted my life in ways that I am uncertain that they have ever imagined. They each were entirely different and yet still all the same. They are family.

So, here is my little tribute to those whom I hold dear in my heart and who I will always love.

My Big Sister - Kimberly "Aka Kim"

The best way to describe my sister is "Mama Bear"! She would take in anyone to her home and make them family. To Kim, a stranger is family who just has not had a chance to make memories with. As a child, she was always considered by me to be "cool". When she moved out, she always remained "connected" to home.

Kim and I are a lot a like in many ways; but there are some ways where aspire to be more like her than I am.. She has always been a great example of giving of herself and is a wonderful example of how to pick up and go on. (She even gives and gives when you are screaming - No, no, no! - Ha ha ha)

I am extremely proud of her. She has raised 2 absolutely amazing young women and is still raising her step-son. She is head over heels in love with her grandson. In the past few years she went back to college to get her RN degree and is a gifted nurse. I am certain her patients feel her love as much as her medical care.

No matter what life brings, we will always remember our favorite saying " Weeeee lllloooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee each other"!

Dennis - AKA "Bubba" or as I call him "B".

Bubba was always my hero. My mom says that from when I was born he always gave me extra attention and was always so sweet to me. From as early as I can remember, B took me every where he went. He spoiled me with gifts. He was the best big brother a girl could ask for.

Bubba married his high school sweet heart and they have 8 children. He was born to be dad! From pulling magic quarters from ears to taking the time to just talk, he was always there for me. As he grew older, he was definately a favored uncle with his "big kid" attitude.

I regret that years have passed and I get to see him very rarely because of distance. I miss him very much.

I admire his attitude for success. Kim says he was born under a lucky star, but I know he just makes things happen! His love for God is the most admirable thing about him. He lives his life for Christ and has raised his family to do the same. He has a passion for life that I admire! I love him now and always.

Shane -

Shane can be described easily - He is HEART! I don't mean he has a heart, I mean Shane is defined as heart. Shane would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.

Shane has gone thru tons. He has survived being in war, survived tragedy, dealt with pain and yet there is not one human in the world that I know that always seems content. Every time I talk to Shane, he makes me remember the simple things in life are the most treasured.

I don't get to see him that often either but I know in my heart that there will be future times when he and I will sit and visit together. Shane, an old soul, will always be loved by me for being my big brother! He will always be admired by me for being content with where God places him and willing to wait for the blessings to come.

I love each of your dearly - Kim, Bubba & Shane!

Challenge One - Question 16

"What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step that you can take this year towards achieving it?"

My most important financial goal this year is to ensure that we keep ourselves in a position to purchase the home that we want to buy. (Well, that is if I ever find a home that I really want!)

I admit that I have several other things that I consider making financial decisions on but I am learning the art of restraint. This means using our credit wisely so that we get the best interest rate, keeping our savings where we have our down payment and NOT settling for something that I don't want. The last is proving to be the hardest.

I just have the feeling that I am going to drive up the driveway and just now that I have found our new home. Just hoping we can get this done before the end of the summer :-)

Thru The Bible in 2011 - Genesis

Our church is reading thru the bible is 2011. I can already see the fruits of the labor in myself, my family and my fellow church members. It is giving a community of people an amazing experience together. To read God's word, to ask questions and to ponder what God is trying to teach you.

I thought it might be fun to blog what I am getting out of each book of the bible as we read thru in 2011. Since I just finished Genesis this morning, I thought it was time to share what Genesis has meant to me or what I have learned that I want to share. (I am sure there will be many things that I need to leave between God & I; but who knows?)

- I had never thought to ask how old Eve was when she died. She just kind of disappears from the story.

- A funny "Troyism" was that we might have had other animals on earth when Noah came out the ark but he was hungry and who knows what he chose to eat? I got such a laugh from that.

- That very soon God noticed the fact that man could not be alone and created woman. He had a plan for marriage and the exclusiveness of relationships at the very moment that men were made. This just reinforces to me that God will always favor helping marriages succeed because this event was not a by-product of his creation. It was the plan!

- I love Genesis 4:7. I think for my children this is one the verses that I hope to impress upon their hearts. For me, I will live accordingly to this verse as much as I can. My favorite verse from the book of Genesis reads "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

- I was saddened by the number of times that God's heart was described to filled with pain or aching over humankind.

- That Abraham's request to "bargain" for his fellow man was honored by God. Encourages me to pray for the people in my life because God is willing to listen.

-I loved when Abimelech's & his people said "We saw clearly that the Lord was with you". Other stories tell of people seeing God's favor on someone but I wonder if it was always seen "clearly". I so want to live a life where people could say that they saw "Clearly" God was with me.

- It was interesting the Esau's wife was a source of grief for Isaac and Rebekah. This encourages me to pray for the future relationships with my children's spouses.

- I loved that when Jacob kissed Rachel he began to weep aloud. I felt that way with Kaleb in months to come; but I love that Jacob was so certain of his love for Rachel that he wept aloud.

- That the favored people of God did acquire wealth. When we are seeking God's will and not man's will God can bless us with worldly things also.

- That Schechem was willing to give any amount of money for Dinah but he did not value her enough to protect her virtue.

- That Joseph was able to forgive his brothers for selling him and attributed the events to God's greater purpose for him.

- That the Pharaoh (who was in charge of everything in Egypt) honored the fact that Jacob made Joseph swear to carry him home to be buried. He could have arranged for it to be done or told Joseph "not a good time" but instead he insisted that Joseph go and carry out the wish of his father.

For me, Genesis is wonderful in that from the very beginning there was a plan for the end. I don't know rather my time is closer to that of the end or that of Genesis but I am glad that God has a plan.

Challenge ONE - Question 15

"Who do you most want to encourage this year?"

This year, in addition to my family, I really want to encourage my Secret Sister. I love taking on the commitment of having someone that I pray for, buy little gifts for and encourage during the year; but the problem I have is that while I always remember to keep my Secret Sister in my prayers I do not always remember to let her know that I want her to be encouraged.

I want her to be encouraged because she pours out so much of herself. I want to know her joys and pray for her pains. I want for her to feel loved even if she never knows who it is coming from.

Challenge One - Question 14

"What habit would you most like to establish this year?"

I want to establish a habit of exercise!

Breaking The Cycle

I have MANY flaws. I know what they are and likely am currently beating myself up over them. So, I already know that I have enough of my own issues to handle before pointing out others but tonight the impact of these "life cycles" are getting a little too close for comfort for me.

Today, I was faced one again with the acceptance of something that is actually one of my biggest fears. In loving the person and the comments that they made, I could not help but want to scream - THIS CYCLE NEEDS TO BE BROKEN! The affirmation of the actions is exactly WHY this particular situation continues to be encouraged within this persons circle of influence. (Could I be more politically correct in this statement?)

I have no intention of going into the details of this particular situation. I do however wonder what the correct way to handle lovingly rebuking an action is when you fear the influence could have a direct impact on your own family? I know pray!

Challenge ONE - Question 13

"What is the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?"

I got tickled at my sweet friend Bethany the other day when we were talking about goals for 2011 and she blurted out something about having hers. She then said sweetly, well I have more then one, let me give them to you in order. If you know Bethany, then you could likely hear the change in the tone of her voice as she converted from shy/timid to confident/determined!

Anyways, when I went to answer this questions I felt the same way as Bethany did about goals. There is not just one answer so I will give you a list!

NEEDS:

1. To inventory those people in my life and determine the value of our relationships. Simply put, I don't intend to dispose of any relationships but to categorize the importance those people should play in my life and the life of my family.

2. To increase my own understanding of where I need to be in 20 years from now. I have already admitted that I am better at short term goals and goals that I can see in the near future. I need to determine where I believe God wants me in 20 years so that I am working towards that path.

3. I need to make a healthier life style for myself and to be an example to my children.

4. I NEED to stop and listen more often.

Not sure all these are considered "burdens" but desires. Might call for a new list based upon that word!

Challenge One - Question 12

What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what's one way that you could simplify in that area?

My work is the one place that needs simplifying. I already have a plan to simplify by recreating my "To-Do List". I use to have a very defined routine and over the last few months I have gotten away from this.

This week has been terrific in getting back on track with my plan. I can handle tons of last minute task as long as my routine task are never out of control!

Watch out work place, you have been "simplified"! Love it!

Amazing Women - Just love them!

Tonight we had a CWF officer meeting. I knew it would be a long meeting before it even started because we were tackling the annual task of setting the calendar. I will admit thought that after 4 hours of planning there is nothing I would have rather been doing tonight.

These ladies CRACK ME UP! Seriously, I almost peed my pants in laughter because of these wonderful women. From ages spanning from mid-tweenties to seventies, these women are some of the most hillarious women I get the pleasure of knowing.

Tonight, I was just reminded how fortunate I am that God has blessed me with women who encourage me and inspire me.

This year might not mean anything to anyonelse but I am LOVING the AMAZING RACE! You never know what they will come up! (Espcially Ms. Jessie)

Thank you God for each one of them and all the ways that they bless me!

CHALLENGE ONE - Question 11

"What is the most important decision that you need to make this year?"

How to get back to what I feel like is balance. How to give 100 % everywhere I commit myself to. If I can't then it is not something that I need to be doing.

The biggest decision will be letting go of the things that do not allow me ot have balance.