Worth Quoting

"Victories in life come through our ability to work around and over the obstacles that cross our path. We grow stronger as we climb our own mountains."
---Marvin Ashton

A friend sent me this quote today and I loved it. No real specific or particular obstacle that I face but I just love the image of even an obstacle as a large as a mountain being able to be climbed.

It reminds me to never allow the present situation to grow so large as to drown it or allow it to swallow me.

This week at work we had discussed the fact that a number of our sweet clients have past away this year. I am certain they were all stressed beyond belief and fearful over their situations. I am not suggesting that they passed away because of stress but I sat accross from these individuals over the last year. I heard their pain, I saw their tears, I hugged them, I listened to them and yet I never thought their last days would end having to spend a minute worrying about the mattes they felt confident in my ability, the ability of boss or co-workers.

I wonder if they ever just stopped and thought of their current struggles as an obstacle that could be climbed. A messy situation but one that some solution could be made.

Just reminds me that every person has their own obstacle to face. Yet, hopefully when I see someone trying to conquer their's, I will simply suggest they quit trying to remove it and just climb right over it!

Santa ....

We spent the last month of Kagan dropping hints about an ipad. He simply said, I would love to get one but if I can't I am fine with that also.

A few days before Christmas we were out shopping at the mall and talking over Kagan's "Santa list". He listed out the stuff he wanted once again (and a little annoyed that I had asked again for the 100 time!). Then he pauses and said honestly that he would love to get an ipad but really if he could not get it and see everyone else get what they wanted he would be willing to let SANTA not get his ipad.

I can not explain the simple tone of his voice, the sincerity or the compassion he was displaying with his gesture. Sure he would like to get an ipad but he understood if wasn't going to happen.

I am pretty sure that there is no other kid that deserves a gift more than a child who is willing to give theirs away to see others get their wish. I take no credit for this attribute of Kagan because I sometimes forget this trait for myself. He is just a wise young man who is becoming an amazing man! I am proud of him every day but sometimes his gentle willingess to give touches the depths of my soul.


Suprisingly, or maybe not, Kagan was given and ipad by Santa. Pretty sure Santa knew that fulfilling a wish for Kagan would be rewarding.

Where is the little girl?

I was looking at old photos at my parent's house and could not help but think "Where is this little girl?" So young and so determined. (okay, so determined might have also been called hard headed but I will use the word determined?)

This little girl has spent a number of years learning lessons that have made her who she is today. She has a learned:

- a broken heart is worth the pain if was broken over something that should have never been.
- Even though she never worried about money, she did have to learn that money did not grow on trees.
- That true friends are rare and when you have one you never let it go.
- That children are the most precious gift God could give.
- That always doing the right thing may make you get runover but it is better the feeling of knowing you were doing the wrong thing.
- Learning lessons are hard but sometimes God does his best work when your learning them.
- That no one can stand behind you, up for you or beside you like your Momma and Daddy.
- That the love of a good man gives security, warmth, and fills your heart.
- That some people will never value you like they should but you can be proud of yourself for being valuable.
- That somethings take longer to achieve than you would think.
- That nothing will bring peace like God's word.
- That nothing is impossible but God may not grant them permissible.
- That memories are the sweetest treasure God allowed us to have.
- That if your husband brings home a coke can, wrapped in electrical tape, with flowers (weeds) you should be thankful!
- That some people will believe in you and give you opprotunities of a lifetime.

So many thigs are different than this little girl thought but if truth were to be told - she wouldn't change a thing if it placed here right where she is the exact moment...

Home

There is just not a place in the world like HOME! When we were on our traveling adventure home for Thanksgiving this year I was beside myself when we hit that old paved road off Hwy 49.

Things had changed....Houses were gone..... The trees were a little larger....The neighbors had grown older or had moved away. I began just snapping pictures as we moved along the road trying to mentally and physically capture the long road home.

Then I had thoughts of the fact that this journey on a country road is one I use to travel daily and now I am only lucky enough to travel it once every few years. Yet, the instinct and the familiarity of the journey was like I had traveled that road to Momma and Daddy's just yesterday.

My kids were thrilled with the excitement and Kaleb even reached over and drove me home. It was like he knew that this moment was captured forever in my heart.

As I pulled into the driveway, there sat my Mom and Dad on the front lawn. The zillion golden and brown leaves layered the ground around their park bench sitting next to the front walk. As we pulled into the driveway they both stood with a welcoming smile and opened arms that said "Your Home"! Warm hugs, gentle kisses and teary eyes of joy were present amongst all.

I so love traveling home but luckily I get to feel you in my heart daily and we do not seem so far away. Next, we will just await the next reunion!

Cheer

Simply Put... Go Kenadee!

Splitend Life

I began dating Kaleb almost two decades ago. I was living in Orange when a co-worker (friend) set me up on blind date with a boy that she was friends with also. Due to several circumstances I was NOT looking for Mr. Right; but merely going on this date that would utlimately,in my mind, be a one time "favor" to her.

Kaleb and I had several phone calls before our date. I was bluntly honest about all the things I hated, all the pet peeves I had and pretty much I put up every single boundary there could be for a successful date. For some reason, after I had pretty much told given him a laundry list of my hates he still said "well, I will see you on Friday".

Friday came and we met for dinner with a group of friends from work and their boyfriends. When we met at our friends house there set Kaleb - wearing a Jimmy Hendrix t-shirt and jeans.

Remember when I said that in just a few phone calls I had pretty much told Kaleb everything I hated ---well Jimmy Hendrix and his fans happened to be on that list! Yet, there Kaleb set with a cute little grin when he said "thought you might like the shirt?".

I should have known at this moment that this silly guy would be the cure for all that ailed my heart at the time.

After several months, I knew we were getting more serious. As much as I tried to push him away - he just became the constant in my life. I refused to call him, I refused to plan anything with him, I refused to ask him for anything for months----and yet he still called me, made a point to plan things for us to do (even if it was just a coffee at Gary's) and pretty much did what I needed WITHOUT me asking.

As we became more serious and our relationship became more evidient that it was moving towards permanent steps, my sister encouraged (well, if you know my sister you know that when I say she encourged that meant she insisted) that I open up to Kaleb about myself. Pretty much every little aspect of my regrets, my insecurities and my hopes and wants. She said put everything on the table now so there can never be a "why didn't you tell me about that" later.

I had tons of insecurities, failures and mistakes that I poured out tearfully that evening. I think once I started, I figured I would never see him again so I might as well just make this a confession of all my fears, insecurities and past mistakes. My therapy at the expense of a boyfriend's future in my life :-) It lasted for some time and Kaleb just sat listening - no expression, no questions, and no input. Just silently he sat there.

I was crying, because I had just pinpointed everything that I was unpleased with myself about, and he asked me "Are you done with that story now?". I said "yes, I am sorry to just laid all that on you". Then Kaleb said the words that captured my heart forever "I don't care about any of that stuff....It is all just SPLITENDS." (Those were his exact words which were imbedded into my heart, my mind and my being forever). He also told me how much he cared about me, loved me (I think he said love...), and then he said "do you wanna go do something?".

Maybe they were tragic things, maybe they were just my fears that scared me, but he saw them for what they were and simply let his care for wipe away that disappoint in myself.

You see Kaleb did the very thing that made me know that he was my forever love.....He Loved Me, Splitends and all. He never acted as if they were not there and he also never asked me to get the "cut off". He just said that all the things that worried me were merely the splitends of life that he cared nothing about. He cared about Me!


I guess from that moment on I knew Kaleb would always be the Prince Charming! He rescued me (Splitends and all) from myself! And continues each day to overlook a splitend or few that I see in myself (and are apparent) and loves me. Can't ask for much more that that!

I am obsessed!

Yes, I am now obsessed with the idea of FREE stuff. Let me just say that all of this cost me $13!

I can do this!

Coupons

I will be the first to admit that I had a quite a few chuckles at the expense of a few of my friends for using coupons. It was not that I thought the using of coupons was funny, but HOW SERIOUS they were, THAT was funny!

I was inspired by a few favorite friends who coupon to at least give it a try. I decided that with my savings, I could buy something new, I could tithe more, I could let the kids keep it. Well, then I knew I must try it. It was a plan and I LOVE a plan!

I am planner. I buy on average 12 calendars a year, I also make list for EVERYTHING, and I think things out years in advance. I have planned meals, planned cleaning schedules, and planned activities for my family (and a few other organizations) because I love it. I love KNOWING what I am doing.


I started my coupon adventure by visiting CVS. Let me tell you there is more to that I thought. I felt so badly for the cashier, I called her manager afterwards to compliment her on how WONDERFUL she was. She had the patience of a saint! She made the transactions much easier and once she realized it was my first time doing it - she was very nice about everything. (This includes her calling for back up to the register so she could help me and not have other customer's wait.)

I then hit publix where I saved $106.86 and brought home a ton of groceries.

Kaleb now calls couponing "fantasy football" for women! Funny guy...

I am not sure if this will last forever but I think I actually got a rush out of getting stuff for FREE and SAVING money!

Kids Activities

I use to have my kids involved in all types of activities. When I went to work, I slowly allowed each of those activities to dwindle off our calendar and list of things to do.

Between school and church their calendars are typically full of things to do.

I have encouraged them to find a passion for something that we can encourage them to do. I want them to find interest and passions for hobbies, talents, career goals for the future or just their happiness.

The thing I struggle with is - how much is too little and how much is too much? When you have a family of three children a families calendar can be quickly filled up. I am okay with investing the time for my children - as long as my children benefit.

Respecting the Unrespectable

I am NOT a fan of our current President. Very rarely will you hear me say anything more than negative words about the man elected to run our country. I am completely un-convinced HOW in the world this man got elected.

Some say God allowed His will to be done and I honestly am now more convinced that this was just one of those times when God had no prefrence. I prayed and many people I know prayed. I just honestly think this was not one of those things where God was willing to step in on the issue. Why? He might be waiting for a nation to call out to him and not a minority!

That being said (and now off my political soap box), I do feel that I should support the man elected to run our country. I will not respect the man, but I will respect the office that he holds.

In other parts of my life, I find the same situation. I can respect someone and not respect their choices. I can respect someone's title or position and not respect the man/woman. Honestly though, that is not many people or many situations that can cause me to have such a divided opionion of someone. I guess there just are not many "titles or positions" that I find to be worthy of my respect if the man/woman is unrespectable.

I guess my only problem now is that it is very easy to tell people that you do not have respect for a large poltical figure; but is it as easy to say about someone in your midst whom you don't want to offend? Or maybe it is not that you care if you offend that person but you do not want to offend others who you do respect?

A little harder to be on that soapbox. I guess I will just use the suds from that soapbox to wipe away my disgust silently.

Re-define Reality

I have been saying what I am doing this past few weeks is changing what I don't like about myself or sitautions that I have found myself in. Change is not always easy but it is typically worth the wait, investment or hard work. Right?

I have now decided that I am not going to change. I am going to re-define my reality. My life is mine to live and the perception of how I view my life and myself is actually my own reality.

First redefining was several physical appearance issues. Not what others might think I need changed but the changes I want to see when I look in a mirror. A very dear friend of mine, Heather, actually told me several months ago to wake up everyday and look for the me that I want to see and stop seeing the me I am hiding from. Very wise and very heartfelt. She actually was telling me to re-define my reality without saying it in that way.

Second, I have a few goals for my life that I want to realized. I have studied in depth this subject but it is like most things in life, it is easier to tell someone else to do it than to do it yourself. I have marked them down and given myself 3 years to complete everyone of them. They are all possible and the only thing hindering their success is myself. I will not be a barrier to my own success.

Third, I am going to make sure my family is seated first in everything I do! As a wife and mom, their success is my passion and focus.

Just simple steps to the reality that I know in my heart becoming the reality in my life.

Emotional Suicide

I have watched Beth Moore's Wising Up series twice now and tonight, just when I needed it, she said something that I really needed to hear. She said that when you harden your heart, you are committing emotional suicide. Using passages in 1 John she reminds us to love one another and a light bulb went off.

That is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to leave my heart open and lift the situation to God. He will either separate me from the situation or he will heal me from the pain I feel over it.

Either way, my heart will be left open to not be hardened. I win because I either retain the relationship or God will make the situation be far removed and I don't to have to stress over it.

I will do the right thing...Baby steps and I have already taken one towards the right thing. We will just see what God can do :-)

Forgive and Forget

There is something so easy about saying that you will forgive someone, isn't there. I am really struggling with this right now for several reasons.

First, I seem to be the only one that is hurting over this particular issue and the other person seems to be clueless of the harm done. Second, since there has been no acknowlegement of the wrong doing - it will just keep happening. I have made the point as clear as possible but it keeps happening over and over.

Kaleb said "Just cut the friendship because friends don't take advantage like that". I want to just do that but I can't seem to figure out how to just cut it out and act as if it is not going on.

So,here are a few quotes that I found:

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ~William Blake, Jerusalem Smedes

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi


What does God's word say about forgiveness though. Does HE tell me to be a doormat for the situation?

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18:21-22 ).

Matthew gave me my answer. I guess the easist thing to go is just figure out when we get to 78 times and then that is it - I am done. HA Not seriously, I guess it is just a comfort to know that either God will change it or I can change it when enough time has passed. Sadly, if I was not so upset about it, then it would not matter and I would not be searching.

Guess we will see if I can keep it up or not....

Wait Listed....

Every year people make fun of me because I schedule my kids camps 5 or 6 months in advance. I typically start putting down deposits as soon as the camp schedule opens up.

This year, there were several circumstances that prevented me from getting on the ball and getting the kids signed up. First, they did not want to go (to scared they were going back to Pioneer camp). Second, they were wanting to go with friends. Third, I had decided if I was going to use the camp fund from church to pay for the half they are willing to donate. Forth, van schedule was locked (or so I thought).

All of this and I end up not planning my camps until really late.

NOW ---- the boys have been wait listed.

Oh well, now thankfully Kenadee got into camp while boys are gone to Big Stuf. Now just to sit and wait.

Maybe I can sign up now for next year!!!!

Monday Memories

I was talking to my mother in law today about a new book that has recently been published by an author in my husband's hometown. A member of a well-respected and highly infulential family has written a tell all book about her family's dark secrets.

I ordered promptly....

I thought the kids would love to see some of the things since they were all born in that town. A little piece of trivia from their hometown.

It did get me to thinking though. What will my family members say? What will be the memories they will tell? Even better, what memories will I share about those I love from long ago and today?

It is so easy to focus on the negative (especially if you want to sell a few books.) While these things are easily recalled it is the moments we can never get back, the days we wish could have had just one more hour in them that are the real story. The day dreams come true, the day we were uplifted.

I thought a little memory from long ago was in order for today's post.

My older brother Shane is one of the most loving men I know. I imagine him as loving with his heart and soul. A love that has no judgement and love that has no end. I have likely never shared my thoughts with him on this. My memories of him often lead to the fact that he was typically a pain :-) I say that lovingly, but he and I butted heads a lot growing up. I was a baby 8 years his junior. He was the baby for many years before me and I think that just kinda rolled into a lot of issues between us.

Yet, it my brother Shane who:
1. Sent me card with carebear stickers when I was in junior high telling me that he loved me.
2. He sent me flowers every year of my high school life.
3. When I was at tryouts one year, he showed up with roses in head to wish me luck and to give me the flowers himself.
4. When I moved to Florida, he was the first family member to come visit me.
5. When I call he NEVER forgets to ask about my husband and kids.
6. When I was in rough spot, he was the first person to show up.
7. After he married he always took and interest in me coming around as a kid.
8. He has struggled but he is the one person I know that seems content with life.
9. He has given up things I never could.
10. He fought, He cried, He loved, He lost, but he NEVER gave up.

I doubt he will ever read these words but I can't help but think of him today. A ton of memories about him are very close to my heart and I hope he knows how dear they are to me. I love you Shane!

Gonna Go Make Some New Friends

We recently moved into a new neighborhood and have really just got "settled in". When we decided to move one of the largest factors was to get the kids in a better schools. Along with the timing of the move, we decided that if the kids had the summer to maybe get to know some of the other kids around they might feel better about moving into a new school.

Leave it to Kenadee to announce out of the blue "Gonna Go Make Some New Friends". She put on her bathinig suit, brushed her hair and went off to the water fountain thing in the middle of the park where kids play beside the pool. No worries, no intimidation.

I love her confidence in herself and her willingness to put herself out there.

I wish for her true friendships. Friendships that mirror a reflection of herself in a positive and uplifting way. Frienships that support, that comfort and that last a lifetime.

As an adult, I know that some frienships are only meant for a season. I am blessed by many of them. Those that hurt or injured me are less and less important because I saw they were not a true friendship at all.

So my daughter's wisdom is far beyond her years to know for herself that she has the ability to build life long friendships or maybe it is just for day in the park. None the less,she gonna make her some new friends today and wil worry about the details later.

Simply Put

Simply Put:
I love my husband because when I see myself in his eyes, I feel better about myself.
I adore my children becasue they are well rounded, loving, well behaved, amazing and talented children.
I am a child of God, who by only asking for His grace, has been blessed abundantly. From an earlier age, His presence is my life has achored me in turbalent times and given me the wings to fly in the wind.
I love my job - the challenge of not being expected to do what I do but proving I could has given me such trust in God to show himself in my daily task.
I respect my parents for being there for me unconditionally and by always standing behind me pressing me forward to be who I am.
I am challenged by friendship - The disappointment friends of the past & present does however make me feel extremely lucky for the true friendships I have.
I am connected to my family in my heart. The miles apart does not fade the love I have for my siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, in-laws, cousins.....and on and on. They are jewels - each and everyone of them.
I am inspired by people who I will never know and people I forget to tell everyday how inspiring they are.
I love the Word of God. It answers all questions and it makes me question all answers.
I enjoy life but I want to live it with less regret - some regret for things I have done but mostly for regret of things I have not yet.
Simply put.....

My Doggies

The one joy that I often forget to mention is my sweet puppies. They are such delightful pups that are just adorable.

I think the reason I sometimes forget to "gush" over them is because that is one of the things that I absolutely adore about them. When they capture my attention during a day, they do it in such a non-selfish way. It is like even playing chase or tug-a-war is meant more for my satisfaction than their own.

Brownie, my cocker spaniel, loves to play. She is full of energy. When she gathers from my mood that she can play - she does. However, the best thing about her is when I am sad, down, moody or just tired she uses as much energy just to flop down beside me on the couch and cuddles. She doesn't demand to be petted or demand attention in any way. She just patiently and lovingly sits and waits with me. She gives me the "It's okay Mom" kinda love that just warms my heart.

Tink, our English Bulldog, is a little less energetic. She is more likely going read my mood and decide if I need a "bath" or if I need just her to lay at my feet. When she sees me move, she just looks at me with a look of "Are you okay?" or "If I could do something, I would" kinda puppy look.

I have had pets before but Tink and Brownie are just a special part of the family. Both of the are just loving, caring and sweet. Besides that - they are just fun!

Oh and I forgot to mention how much I just love to watch Kaleb play with them. He just loves them so much and they "get him" like no others.

Thanks pups for never requiring anything and giving everything to make any day a better day!

Gone With The Wind

I love Scarlet O'Hara. From young ages until now, I just wanted to be like her. I can just remember thinking of how much I would love to have her life when I was a young girl.

Gone With The Wind is still my favorite movie of all time but my "wish to be Scarlet" is all gone.

Scarlet's life was a tragedy. Loving the wrong man, Loving the right man for the wrong reasons, loosing her parents, living in times of hard strife and pain, and then bearing the pain of the loss of child.

Sure, I dream of the life Scarlet dreamed of when she was at Twelve Oaks. Before the war, before the devastation of her plan for life.

With all her beauty, all her upbringing, and all her "status", she was still not above what pain there was to endure. Yet, she is still admired because she kept going. She took many wrong roads but she never gave up living life.

I will always love the movie but I am very thankful I grew up when I did, with whom I have loved and lost, of loving the man of my dreams (and having him love me even more), and working on a life lived full.

Oh, but if God ever saw fit to give me one of Scarlet's traits, I would take that 16 1/2 inch waist she was so upset about. LOL

Undo It...

Carrie Underwood has a new song out that I like alot. I also love the fact that all my "undo it's" are done with --- thanks to having the love of my life now....


I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked, but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same
And, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Much more than a job....

God has allowed me to have a wonderful job that I love. I get to work under two wonderful people, Darrin and Heather, who allow me to be me in the workplace. Why do I love it? Well, mainly because I get the have daily interaction with people who are stressed out and hopeless. It is not that I like that they are in this situation, but I get to share love with them in such simple ways.

I have a small little plaque on my desk that says "Believe, With God All Things Are Possible". From the moment people sit in front of my desk I see them glance at it. For some, it is as they reach for kleenex. For others,it is as they are cursing about their situation and it is a gentle reminder to not take it out on me.

I know God has put me RIGHT where I am so that I can hopefuly show people a little kindness and love when they are in my office. From praying for clients, from just being there -- it is a privledge to show Christian love in a business setting.

I pray that God always help me to shed His love and NEVER take the credit for myself. May they feel His love that moment and forever.